I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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