I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
