I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
