Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize