I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Randomize
