Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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