It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
