he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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