This girl is more easily done than said...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
