i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
