my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
