I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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