ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
