my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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