I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
