My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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