i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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