ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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