she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
