In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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