She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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