a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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