i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
