Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I want to be your penis for a week.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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