the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish I only lived at night.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
