I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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