see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
