go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
