I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
