singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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