Where did you get a picture of my penis
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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