I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
