I chose taco bell over sex...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
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Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.