I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
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we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
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We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.