Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.