okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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