its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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