There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
