wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
