i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
