if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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