3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
