brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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