remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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