did you get engaged???
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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