He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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