omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
