they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
