Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
