I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
