So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
