twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
