ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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