if i died would you start the facebook group?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
