I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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