In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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