I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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