The beer is more important than you right now.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
