At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
