I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
