yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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