My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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