I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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