When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
