new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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