I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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