OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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