My nipple is on Facebook.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
