is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
