Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
