My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
