Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
