Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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