He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
