whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
