Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
