hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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