Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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