I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
