Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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